V.

My best friend in this city is a gorgeous Chinese girl who makes too much money to be so directionless. At the age 24 she earns over a half a million dollars a year, and yet draws a blank when I ask her what she hopes to gain out of life. She’s impressed by the tranquility of my bedroom. The incense, natural lighting, and record spinning have lulled her into a drunken sleep. She is still wearing her BeBe party dress. Her 5-inch snake-skin heals are downstairs. Last night at the party they were in her hands. I wore combat boots and never complained of the pain like some of the other sexy girls. I see the muscles in her legs contract and extend and thinks she likens of a crippled giraffe. I told her that she is still binding her feet. She doesn’t think that’s very funny. She seems to hate everything about her Chinese heritage except her Grandmother and the food. She wants so badly to be White. I want so badly for her to love who she is.

There is not much I understand about the issues of a first-generation immigrant, raised by wealthy parents who physically strike their children... besides the sorrow I see in my dear friend’s eyes. She drinks herself into a stupor every weekend, maybe to make the sex with losers feel less terrible. At our weekly dinner date, every conversation starts with “so I met a guy.” I don’t hear much about that guy after 3 or 4 weeks. But she’s a princess. And she’s so special. And I cannot articulate how important she is to me. Still, she’s hurting. I watch her move on the dance floor while I wait to use the toilet. She’s scouting the room, sifting through the Whose-Who of our small town, trying to find the one man who will save her. What she doesn’t realize is that no one will. They may take her out to nice dinners and invite her to fancy parties, but the end goal is not to love, but rather to use her up. The rich and powerful under-40-somethings at this event have their choices of pretty dumb girls to fuck tonight and any other night. And we are beautiful and expendable. We are only here to entertain. All the time, effort, and money we invested into our careers and education have made us nothing more than  silly American Geishas.